How to Actually Work with the Nerves
Feeling the butterflies just before you open your mouth and speak? Whether it’s a nerve-wracking presentation, a job interview, a proposal to your boss or key stakeholders, or just those everyday moments of stress, we sometimes feel anxious, which is annoying.
Fortunately, there are some approaches to tame them.
Some of these strategies have been around for some time so that you may recognize them. The thing is, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all. I have come to recognize this with my clients. You have to find the secret sauce that works for you. I recommend using one or two methods and making them a combo. This can take some trial and error, but it can stick with you for the rest of your life when you find what works!
Here's our top 10.
1. Breathwork: Try box breaking - Inhale slowly for a count of four, hold for four, and exhale for four. Do this for a few minutes; you can increase the time you hold your breath. This simple technique can help slow your heart rate and activate your body's relaxation response.
2. Give Your Brain Something Else to Do - You’ll quickly forget that you were previously thinking about being nervous. Distractions are good. You could count backward from 30 in 3’s, visualize your dream home – in depth, considering the design, colors, and furniture of every room, or see how many words you can come up with using the letters in words “powerful.”
3. Visualize and Rub - Think of a place in nature you love (e.g., beach, mountain, or desert) and visualize it, naming five smells, five colors, and five objects in the scene while rubbing your hands together. Rubbing your palms is proven to generate delta waves. These waves are associated with deep relaxation, creativity, and positivity. Doing these two things in tandem calms your nervous system, helping you relax and be creative.
4. Figure Out What is Making You Nervous - For some, it’s stumbling over or forgetting their words; for others, it’s not sounding eloquent or smart enough. Think of the positive opposite of what is distressing you and say that five times aloud (better) or silently if needed. Use this template:
“What if….” i.e., “What if I deserve to speak easily without being perfect?”
If this feels true to you, then say,
“I am… /or/ I can…” i.e., “I am a great speaker, and I’ve got this,” or “I can speak easily using the words I remember.”
5. Think of the Worst Thing That Can Happen – so you can debunk it. Consider what you are truly worried about and how likely that will happen. Are you afraid you’ll forget what to say and not achieve what you want? Let’s say you do forget, so what? You’ll figure out a way to get your message across another way. Worst case, you discuss what you remember and then follow up with the rest. Your audience won’t likely know they missed anything, anyway.
6. Engage Your Muscles - Tension often accompanies anxiety. A simple exercise involves tightening and relaxing each muscle group, from your toes to your head. This can help release physical tension and ease your nerves. You could also make a tight grip with your hands and your toes. Do this a few times.
7. Move - Physical activity can help release built-up tension. If you have the time, do some light exercises to get the blood flowing and clear your mind. Go for a short walk, stretch, walk up and down nearby stairs, or do whatever you can.
8. Get Energy - Get yourself “big.” Stand up and lift your arms above your head, as far as you can, with your hands open wide. You’ll feel strong, which can boost confidence.
9. Meditate with a Visual - Close your eyes and focus on one thing, such as a rose, tree, or red ball. Try not to let your mind wander. Hold this concentration for 1 – 5 minutes. This may require practice to apply on the spot effectively, but even so, the concerted focus will distract and calm you.
10. Remember Your Purpose - Remember why your audience needs to receive your message. They will benefit from it.